And I’m not just referring to the weather, however I could rant for weeks about how ridiculous Michigan weather has been lately!! I am more than ready for Spring.
On a more serious note…I am talking about the recent frozen state of my heart.
I hate winter with a fiery passion that burns deep inside my soul. Everything dies in winter. The plants, my Dad died in December, the sun. Everything is just cold and lifeless. BOO!! December is always the hardest month for me. Holidays and all…and Dad died two days after Christmas three years ago. It’s not a good time. I had my boyfriend (Kyle) and my favorite band (Breaking Benjamin) to get me through the long month of December.
HOWEVER, January has proven itself to be just as hard. I have a psychotic ex. He likes to tell me how worthless I am, and how the world would be better off without me. Well that just adds to my depression. -for the record I seem to be more depressed this year than expected- I am losing my grip.
My self-esteem has taken a shit. No I mean its gone. All of it. Just like that. Down a landslide into the abyss never to be seen again.
I just want to let go.
I’m slipping into a numbness I’m unsure if I’ll ever make it out of.
Someone’s gotta help me.
I gotta be more than a loss cause.